joeyeffincahill

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 06:34:35 GMT

I would rather be alone in my peace
Than to violently reach

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:05:01 GMT

I've been patiently waiting
To feel like I should, to be what we should
But this race has run it's course, and
Slow and steady doesn't always win.

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 22:33:28 GMT

With ribs picked clean
I moved
From the deepest low
I've ever known
To sweeping snow
From a rotten hole

But the space between
My chest
And this winter cold
Is overgrown
By beating stone
And rotten bone

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 04:54:47 GMT

So this is us,
When lust turned to love.
From something lost in me, as
The quietest sounds escape
From my screaming lungs
When I struggle to stand,
And step
Towards the door.

So this is me,
Back turned on an outstretched hand
Praying time will take my side.
In defining myself, I've defied myself.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 04:30:23 GMT

My hands have never held what my heart is feeling
They wouldn't know what to do
Cause this bed gets so cold, clinging to a ghost.
Us is such a powerful word.

But the power in words echoes the emptiness of action.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 22:05:45 GMT

Did you take what I gave?
Or did you throw it away
And watch me fade?
A con that vexed me to stay
You're so complex in your ways
But I'm so concave.

I was full to the brim
With what never was, what could have been.
I won't let you ruin anything else.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 05:33:24 GMT

I'm so fucking weak,
I love you.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:12:26 GMT

These hands
Don't deserve
A fucking thing.

I always sabotage every single fucking good thing that enters my life.
These feelings are getting so much stronger,
But my total lack of finesse seems to be doing what it does best.
I'm learning not to fear, not to worry, but everything takes time.

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 08:48:08 GMT

You've always had my eyes, I'd just yet to see,
You're beautiful, you're everything.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:56:02 GMT

Just when everything felt right.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:47:04 GMT

Everyone is telling me we can't just be friends.
Everyone is telling me how I'm still in love.
Everyone is telling me that I'm insane,
Clinging blindly to what I once had,
While losing sight of what now can be mine.
But these hands I seek, are not hers.
This heart that beats, is not hers.

You fucking destroyed me,
after I destroyed myself.
And now, I am finally whole.

So on two fronts, everyone's wrong.
I savor this friendship, it's putting me back together,
And I'm the sanest I've ever been.
As for the third, I'll take my time.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 08:04:01 GMT

I've felt this way before,
But it went so fucking wrong.
It's so vulnerable, so full,
So open to attack and to sudden defeat.
I wanted to say so much, as we silently exchanged
The smallest pieces of everything we've become.
I wanted to hold your hand so tight that it became my own.
I wanted to be your deepest breath, your beating chest.
You apologized, as you moved that extra inch
Just to be by my side
You held me tight, as we struggled to escape
The knots tied throughout my broken lines.
You told me things would change,
As you staggered to a smile.
You closed the door,
And held true to your word

'Cause nothing's felt the same.

This morning's entry, and then tonights.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 04:56:07 GMT

And when the wind would blow
We were safe and warm below
Not even one would know this sacred hand I held.
Under the weight of snow
This winter took it's toll
I thought you made me whole, but how was I to tell
That I was just cold
Now I'm shaking in this suffocating mold
And it's getting old
I've wasted you, now you're forcing me to fold.

I fucking hate this sinking ground,
The hell that it covers,
And the feet it surrounds.
But as my faith is pulling down,
I'll scream for another,
And hope to be found.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 08:50:03 GMT

I know when something is really wrong
By my inability to write about it.

Something really needs to change,
One of these days, ask me why I referred to you as the rain.

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:01:29 GMT

I've always loved the rain.
It's not just the hue of the sky, or the sound that it makes when it falls,
But more the idea behind the overall feeling of the day.
I figure, while most others find pain in the grayer days,
their sadness leaves all of the happiness in the world for the taking.
So why not let today be gray?
On this, the memory of a day that has bettered the lives of all that it's passed,
My heart has learned to grow, and I have grown to understand it.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:37:33 GMT

There are no fucking exceptions,
I'm sorry, Jiminy, I should have listened.

I broke my own code

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 07:59:33 GMT

Tonight, I caught myself staring,
This is so much more to me than I could have imagined.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 19:14:32 GMT

I need you more than you know.

Relapse.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 15:59:27 GMT

Hello, two years ago
You brought me to a fork in the road.

Last night, I drank like a fish.
This morning, I tipped the rest of my cash at breakfast
And then I sat by the water contemplating
Whether or not to become one.
It's crazy how a split second decision
Can split you so easily off of the proper path.
Lately, though, this path has been a fucking disaster.
I'm empty, I'm broken, I'm stupid, I'm evasive,
I'm rotten, I'm cold, and I'm fucking tired.
I'm sick of these empty metaphors
I'm sick of the same discussions
I'm sick of my hypocrisy, and
I'm sick of watching everything I've ever cared about pull away from me
Even though I'm pushing it.
I was learning to love again,
I think.
I was learning to live again,
I think.
And now I'm learning again how to rot inside my walls.

I want to drive a stake into the heart of my originality.
I want to be plain, I want to be simple, I want to forget, and to be forgotten.
I want better dreams, better sleep, better casual conversation.
I want real friends that I don't have to drink around to enjoy.
I want my best friend back, but I want him to be happy.
I want to never drink again, I want to be fucking normal.
And above anything else, I want you.

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 08:58:34 GMT

Everything is rotting from the inside out,
You were supposed to be the sky.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 08:28:06 GMT

Today ended the slow motion collision
Of a hardened heart met a work of art.
Today, I forced a smile.
Until I couldn't move my eyes,
Like all light had been sucked from the sky
And focused clumsily on that little irritated smile
As it slowly made it's way towards the door
And out of sight.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 06:29:46 GMT

I burn to keep you bright,
But you turn me from your sight.

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:30:57 GMT

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:04:24 GMT

This air is laced with must,
I spent too long in just one place.
Waist deep in wasted lust,
From hands that can't find their home.
My tongue had tasted trust,
And sprinted past, too fast to face.
Two faces bend and break,
Two hands each grab a lace.
They were caked with dust,
But their sole's as hard as bone.

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 08:14:33 GMT

This is just the static between
Episodes of things I actually give a shit about.
I needed you, I fucking told you what I was,
And you let me rot here, unrequited.
My sky has burned to dead air,
This is radio silence,
This is static.